Come Again?

Over the course of the past 48 hours, I have listened to Rush Limpbaugh's radio show and watched Ann Coulter on the Today Show. There is mention among the conservative ranks that voting for Hillary in the presidential election, with the insinuation that she would ruin the country so quickly, would be more beneficial for the Republican Party in the long run.

First, let me say that I would be happy with any of the three remaining candidates. Beyond that, I have to question whether Limpbaugh or Coulter have been lucid during the past eight years?

Success as a country can be defined in many ways. However, it is beyond me cognitive abilities to define how the past eight years have been in any way a success for the United States. The mistakes are obvious and plentiful, but will be saved for a later post. I do think, however, that the legitimacy of the conservative movement needs to be examined if these two people are truly spokes-people for the cause.

Edwards Says 'See Y'ALL Later'

Jon Edwards has dropped out of the presidential race, citing that his gut-wrenching accent was too much for the American voters to overcome. Edwards decision came one day after a non-delegated drubbing in Florida by Team HillBill.

In God's Party, Rudy Giuliani is also expected to drop out of the race today after his loss in Florida, proving that even old people can tell when someone is bat-sh#t crazy. Mr. 9/11 is expected to announce his endorsement John McCain.

Another Shrimp on the Barbie?

This past week George Bush lost another key ally in his war on the environment. Australian Prime Minister John Howard was ousted from his position in a landslide election. Howard had been a huge Bush supporter in the effort to render the planet unlivable by the year 2050. Australia and the United States are the only industrialized nations not to sign the Kyoto Treaty, which aims to reduce carbon emissions to 1990 levels. Howard's Labor Party opponent pledged to sign the treaty and won the support of a large number of Aussie's by doing so. Once Rudd takes office and signs the treaty, the United States will be the only industrialized nation left to sign. The United States is currently responsible for 25% of the planet's carbon emissions.

KY Back to Blue

Commonwealth Back to Blue

On Tuesday, voters of the Commonwealth of Kentucky overwhelmingly decided to give Governor Fletcher the boot from Frankfort. The outcome of the election may have been more about getting rid of Ernie Fletcher than electing Bert Beshear. Either way, Kentucky is about to experience some severe repercussions for its voting ways. Here are some things to expect over the next four years as Steve Beshear and Dr. Dan Mongiardo put the knife to the commonwealth.

1. Taxes - Beshear and Mongiardo have promised to tax the living hell out of Kentuckians. After filling the coffers, Governor Beshear plans to challenge the governors of the surrounding states to a big game of Texas Hold'em. Paul Patton is in charge of roundin' up some women for the event.
2. 10 Commandments - The 10 Commandments will be removed from all public and private buildings. They are not allowed to be hung in private homes or churches unless they are accompanied by other historical documents.
3. Creationism Museum - The Creationism Museum in northern Kentucky will be immediately closed. Beshear claims there is too much science involved with the museum. Plus, everyone knows Kentuckians don't do well with science.
4. Homeland Security - Don't be surprised when you hear the boom. With the Republicans out of office, Kentucky will be attacked by an Al Qaeda cell from Indiana within moments of Beshear being sworn in to office.
5. Victory or Defeat - Don't be surprised when Beshear pulls our troops out of West Virginia. He doesn't support democracy or victory.
6. Embolden the Enemy - Absolutely every action committed by Beshear will embolden the enemy. Just by reading this, you have emboldened them that much more.
7. Terrorist Alert Level - Beshear plans to revamp the terrorist alert level by making the threat level correspond with a specific poker chip.
8. Abortion - Abortion clinics will be allowed to do business in Kentucky, but only on bodies of water and at racetracks.
9. Homosexuality - Gay and lesbian couples will receive all benefits that a husband and wife receive. However, they will be segregated from the mainstream population. The will have their own businesses, neighborhoods, public transportation, and websites. For instance, straight couples can buy and sell on Craig's List, but will gay couples will buy and sell on Senator Craig's List.
10. Guns - Governor Beshear supports the right to bear arms. However, citizens can only wear their bear arms to Halloween parties or between the hours 6-8 p.m.