KY Back to Blue

Commonwealth Back to Blue

On Tuesday, voters of the Commonwealth of Kentucky overwhelmingly decided to give Governor Fletcher the boot from Frankfort. The outcome of the election may have been more about getting rid of Ernie Fletcher than electing Bert Beshear. Either way, Kentucky is about to experience some severe repercussions for its voting ways. Here are some things to expect over the next four years as Steve Beshear and Dr. Dan Mongiardo put the knife to the commonwealth.

1. Taxes - Beshear and Mongiardo have promised to tax the living hell out of Kentuckians. After filling the coffers, Governor Beshear plans to challenge the governors of the surrounding states to a big game of Texas Hold'em. Paul Patton is in charge of roundin' up some women for the event.
2. 10 Commandments - The 10 Commandments will be removed from all public and private buildings. They are not allowed to be hung in private homes or churches unless they are accompanied by other historical documents.
3. Creationism Museum - The Creationism Museum in northern Kentucky will be immediately closed. Beshear claims there is too much science involved with the museum. Plus, everyone knows Kentuckians don't do well with science.
4. Homeland Security - Don't be surprised when you hear the boom. With the Republicans out of office, Kentucky will be attacked by an Al Qaeda cell from Indiana within moments of Beshear being sworn in to office.
5. Victory or Defeat - Don't be surprised when Beshear pulls our troops out of West Virginia. He doesn't support democracy or victory.
6. Embolden the Enemy - Absolutely every action committed by Beshear will embolden the enemy. Just by reading this, you have emboldened them that much more.
7. Terrorist Alert Level - Beshear plans to revamp the terrorist alert level by making the threat level correspond with a specific poker chip.
8. Abortion - Abortion clinics will be allowed to do business in Kentucky, but only on bodies of water and at racetracks.
9. Homosexuality - Gay and lesbian couples will receive all benefits that a husband and wife receive. However, they will be segregated from the mainstream population. The will have their own businesses, neighborhoods, public transportation, and websites. For instance, straight couples can buy and sell on Craig's List, but will gay couples will buy and sell on Senator Craig's List.
10. Guns - Governor Beshear supports the right to bear arms. However, citizens can only wear their bear arms to Halloween parties or between the hours 6-8 p.m.